Single Mom New Year's Resolution: Food, Friends and Freedom

There is something so comforting about making dinner in a kitchen in which I can twirl around (yes, I said twirl but not I am not a ballerina) and be able to look about and see space and light and - freedom.

My son and I moved into our new home a week before Christmas and I am still in awe. I want that awe factor to remain. This home gave me freedom. Matter of fact, considering the dark dungeon in which I resided with my son for 7 1/2 years, it may as well have been a prison. So now that I am "out" of prison, I do not know how to act - or react.

Last night, one of those reactions surfaces when my friend Sharon arrived for dinner and I opened my front door to her and felt .... pride ... for the first time in many, many years. I welcomed my friend inside and gestured with my arm out, smiling, that this is my home. I am no longer a prisoner. But I am still trying to act like it's mine. I'm still trying to get used to opening my blinds to let the light in. And when I do, I can see outside, the trees swaying in the (chilly) winds, I can see my neighbor's home, but I can see light and MY driveway and MY walkway, MY yard and I cannot wait for spring so I can plant MY flowers and a peony and lilac bush. And to those who know me, those two particular flowers have special but bittersweet places in my heart and hopefully will have a special place in which to grow outside my home.

But when Sharon and I sat down to dinner (she admitted she didn't like pot roast but clearly, the clean plate didn't mirror her distaste for pot roast so that makes me some sort of pot roast goddess ha ha ha ha), I felt the pride grow. This was normal. My son and his friend Mike were running amok in the house and making noise and stomping and being typical 10 and 11 year old boys. I no longer have to shush my son or squash his footsteps because there is no one below us, no one above us to care about the noise. And other than trying to eat dinner with Sharon with a Lego Nerf gun poised over my shoulder and my son ducking under the table to avoid being shot, and me wondering if the nerf bullet was going to end up in the green beans, I was genuinely relaxed. I still have my neurosis, though, about the stairs because when my son was a toddler he fell down the stairs in my old home and it scarred me. Clearly,watching him take the stairs on fleet feet and listening to me scream HOLD THE RAILING every time he comes down the stairs with those fleet feet, well, it's going to take time for me to perhaps let go a little bit of that fear.

And yes, I did go upstairs a few times because the boys seemed to think that my bedroom was way more fun in which to play and hide and being ON my bed was the perfect battleground podium for the Nerf wars. So the ceiling was creaking crazily and the lights flickered with every stomp but the laughter coming out of my son was the best music I've ever heard. It's been a long, long while since I heard my son laugh the way he did last night. And I want that laughter to continue. I will make it continue.

The best part of having dinner with a friend I haven't seen in a while is talking about all the events - good and not so good - that has transpired over the months of not seeing one another. So, let's see. We talked about men and how some possess eerily similar traits likened to a jellyfish (spineless), the Lion in the Wizard of Oz-pre-wizard (cowardly), a penis that appeared on Facebook briefly (Sharon found that - I didn't get that lucky LOL) .... near-genius men who break up with women over the phone and near-genius men who make plans for a date then mysteriously disappear with blocks of ice firmly frozen over their feet.

I personally think the "cold feet" cliche should be re-visited and "ice blockhead" should replace it because clearly some men "freeze" in the face of a possible date, some sort of a possibility of - oh heavens - a budding relationship - and we women simply wish that when men freeze, the neutrons, electrons and protons and neurons and brain waves that control their ridiculous views of how to "deal" with - gasp - a relationship - would unfreeze and be completely re-arranged so that common sense becomes the center of all brain activity.

But that would be asking way too much of the male species.

A song by new artist Christina Perri comes to mind, this particular line "you're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul who do you think you are."

There is just something so wrong, so ridiculous and so immature about a 50 year old man who breaks up with a woman over the phone. Crying. He was crying, Sharon. I'm sorry but I'm sitting here laughing because I can hear the echos of all parents who say to their cryings kids "If you don't stop crying, I'll REALLY give you something to cry about.!" Hmmm. maybe I should have said that to him and mentioned casually about how I could take a little drive to his house, stand out front and scream at the top of my lungs YOU BROKE UP WITH ME OVER THE PHONE YOU SHORT FAT (you know what) ROCKET SCIENTIST JELLYFISH PUKE JERK. 

Yep, that would probably work way better than the "I'll give you something to cry about" line. hee, hee.

So over pot roast, roasted potatoes with Fanny's Italian dressing and parmesan cheese and steamed green beans, Sharon and I commiserated about the other half of the human race that occupy space on this planet but seem to have their collective heads stuck either on their asses, on backwards or just non-existent.

Sharon met up with a classmate at our most recent reunion, who, according to Sharon, grew up to be quite "hot." (is that the cougar term or is that a universally used term for men of all ages?). When you go to a reunion, you USUALLY just chat about inane drivel, gossip fiercely about anyone and look around and try to figure out who's losing their hair, who's sleeping with who and the usual reunion chitter chatter.

And Sharon informed me that my intuition of one classmate's sexual preference for men was right on the money but frankly, all I can say is kudos to him for walking into the reunion with leather pants on and not caring about what anyone thought. Now THAT'S self confidence and self-esteem that any human being would kill to possess. Of course, Sharron believes it is a waste of hotness that this particular classmate is gay. Ha, don't we all feel that way sometimes? I look at American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert that way. Damn. Just give me 10 minutes with him. I'd make a valiant attempt to turn him around!!!!

But back to the "hottie" classmate with whom Sharon found herself engaged in conversation and who was peppering Sharon with personal, one-on-one questions of Sharon's life and genuinely seemed interested in Sharon. Period. And over the course of the few months, they both communicated and ultimately set up a date for December 9th which Mr. Cold Feet Clueless In The Head bailed on her and stood her up. That Dec. 9th date seems to be a bad karma day because I relayed to Sharon that was the day that SHORT FAT (you know what) ROCKET SCIENTIST JELLYFISH PUKE JERK broke up with me (crying) over the phone. So Sharon has the pre-50 year old man just bailing on her, period, and my 50-year old acting like he's effing 12 with his phone break up shenanigan.

And people wonder why women like their power tools. Take 'em out of the drawer, turn 'em on and voila. Instant gratification without all the whining and bitching and whatnot. And then they go back into the drawer. Why can't handling men and their quirky whacky ways be as easy as that?

Anyways, the dinner was great, Sharon's company even better and the sound of the laughter of two boys having fun echoed throughout the house.

Freedom. It comes in different forms, at different times.

And Sharon, the theological part of our conversation - that was truly interesting. But like you said, faith is an intangible and most of the human race want something on which to place their hands - to touch, to see, something concrete. But faith isn't that.

It's like the Red Sox of 2004 when they were down 3 games to zip to the Yankees in the ALCS. I went out on my back porch, looked up in the sky and said "can we get a LITTLE help here?"

Look what happened after that.

So sometimes, with a little faith and sure, a little bit of cynicism mixed in - sometimes you just gotta believe.

Lining up another friend for dinner. Any takers?

Open Letter to President Obama re Gays and Marriage

Dear President Obama: The best freedom I have in this country is my choice to write a blog addressed to you without the fear of being stigmatized -- or arrested. But since you are the President, I will remain respectful for same reason.

Let me ask you a question: Are we not all members of ONE race upon this earth? Yes, we are. The HUMAN race. And as such, we should all be entitled to equal rights. Who are you, or anyone else, to take a stand and offer your opinion as to who should be able to marry, or be entitled to health insurance or the rights to which we ALL should be entitled living in this country?

I recently read a story that you are "wrestling" with gay marriage. Why? Why or how does it affect you? It doesn't affect me or my son so why should it affect you?

Let me toss up my two cents. Why does it bother so many people that men fall in love with men and women fall in love with women, form solid relationships and stay together long-term? Is it the sexual part of that that bothers so many? Let's leave out the religious part of this scenario because I'm not so sure God is happy with the fact that people are being discriminated against for their sexual orientation.

Why shouldn't gay couples be able to marry like, well, other human beings? I'm not going to sit here and write "like regular people" because gay people ARE REGULAR PEOPLE. They are humans, they have thoughts,emotions, they have jobs and families and dogs and fish and cars and homes. Don't you? You just live in a way bigger home and have a really important job.

But do you see my point? Why should gay people be denied the fundamental rights that "couples" are afforded when they marry? If a husband lands in the hospital and is near death, the grieving wife is freely allowed to sit by him and pray for his recovery. If a gay man lands in the hospital and is near death, his "partner" or spouse is railroaded and sometimes turned away because he's not considered a "spouse" or immediate family. Is that fair? Gay people have the exact same emotions as you and I. They love, they laugh,they cry, they grieve, they smoke cigarettes, they make decisions, they have checkbooks, etc.

Gay people pay taxes.

What is the big deal about allowing gays to marry? IT ISN'T A BIG DEAL!!!!! It's only a big deal because someone DECIDED that oh, look what the bible says and oh, the rest of the human race has to abide by these rules and regulations of the bible. Seriously? Do you actually think God sits up there and frowns upon gays?

No, he does not. He gave us free will, independence and choices. If He didn't want us to have those things, then why did He give them to us? We can't judge God and blame him for anything - we as humans are the ones to blame because we have the freedom to choose.

And living in this country, the freedom to choose who we love, who we marry and with whom we raise children should not be an issued on a podium, on a piece of paper, read by you as the President or anyone else. When you got married, did anyone shred you to pieces? No. When you were elected President, however, it was a different story. The first BLACK President. Why in the WORLD did the color of your skin matter/ Does the color of your skin run the country? Nope. It's the man upon around which the skin is wrapped around who runs the country.

My point is that gay people are just like you and me on the inside. Some are flamboyant and loud and stand up for their rights - or what those rights really should be. Some are quiet and humble and stand in the background and wait for someone to say hey, it's OK to be you.

It should ALWAYS be OK to be who you are without someone pointing a finger, or passing judgment just because as a man or a woman, your chemical makeup in your body attracts you to the same gender.

Why is this such an issue? Why does "straight" and "gay" have to be separate and apart words? We are human beings. Period. We choose mates, some for life, some for a day, some for months. We choose either to have children or not. Human beings are either good or bad.

But for you to "wrestle" with allowing gay marriages and allowing HUMAN BEINGS to be afforded the same rights as any other married couple - now that's really sad and discriminatory in my opinion.

While the repeal of the "don't ask, don't tell" law was FINALLY initiated (and that was based upon the same principals about what I just wrote) your "wrestling" with gay marriage and the rights of gay couples still bothers me greatly.

It should be NO ONE'S business - at all - who we choose to love, who we choose to marry. Certainly, our friends and family can blah blah blah their opinions all they want but in the end, we as humans make our own choices and act freely and independently because God gave us those rights.

Shouldn't you, as President of the United States, act freely and independently and allow gay married couples the same rights as you and I have?

This isn't rocket science, Mr. President. This is simply about giving human beings the same rights as other human beings who are married, who love, who laugh, who cry, who eat, who sleep, who dream, who own big dogs and little dogs and play basketball with their kids and who pack lunches and make dinner and take their cars in for repairs and who pay taxes and buy holiday cards and presents and who celebrate life and who grieve at death?

We are all the same, Mr. President. We are bound together by one undeniable, nondestructive fabric: we are all members of one race: the human race.

And we should all be afforded the same rights when it comes to marriage.

So please stop wrestling with your conscious or a piece of paper or a pages in the Bible. This isn't about men having sex with men, or women having sex with women. This is about people who simply want to marry and be afforded the same rights as everyone else. This is why we live in America. This is why we have these kinds of freedom.

And above all else, no one should have the authority nor the right to determine what is a marriage, or what determines the sanctity of marriage. What matters is that people want to choose who they love, and if they choose to marry them, let them. And celebrate the marriage in the same manner as everyone else does. And allow them the same rights as we all have. I refuse to to separate "gay" and "straight." That would be unconstitutional now, wouldn't it?

And you should know of all people, Mr. President, should know all about what's constitutional - or not.

Thank you.

Rest In Peace Lt. Scott Milley, Sudbury, Massachusetts

My 10-year old cried Saturday morning as he and I and several others stood alongside Route 20 in Sudbury and watched as Lt. Scott Milley was brought out of Duckett's Funeral home and place with utmost care into the hearse. Military personnel surrounded the vehicle, and a group of motorcyclists lined the circle of the funeral home, saluting this young man who life was lost on Nov. 30th in Afghanistan. We watched in silence as the funeral procession began, and my son clutched a yellow ribbon in his hand.

My son's tears were born of compassion - such an amazing quality for a young boy to display. Compassion for the brothers and sisters of Lt. Scott Milley, compassion for Lt. Scott Milley's parents, his friends, all the military personnel, everyone whose lives this brave young man touched in such a short time.

It is indeed a true human being with a good heart who can step outside of his/her life - no matter how difficult the turmoil one may be experiencing at that moment - and take a look at someone else's life and feel heartache, sadness and compassion for those people who are suffering far, far more than they.

My son and I did just that Saturday morning. I cried as a mother because it is unfathomable to me the grief the Milley family is experiencing right now. Lt. Milley - in life and death - touched thousands of people - including ours because my son and I have resided in Sudbury for 7 1/2 years and felt the right thing to do was to stand where we stood, with our hands over our hearts and pay our last respects to a young man we did not know personally, but who we came to know through friends, through news stories, through pictures. We are a part of this town and the show of support, love, encouragement and faith of the residents in Sudbury for the Milley family has been overwhelming and astounding.

All of us at one time or another should step back and just for a few minutes - look around and see that while our worlds are being turned upside down - perhaps someone elses's has been broken apart in pieces and is is far worse than ours, and if we can find it in our hearts to show a little bit of compassion, perhaps we will have a better understanding that we all deal with our own difficulties, but for parents to lose a child - I believe that is the most difficult, heartbreaking and heartwrenching situation to deal with above all else.

Rest in peace, Lt. Scott Milley. God has an amazing protector for Heaven. I hope someday to meet you - not only to say thank you for protecting my son and I's freedom - but for being such a big part of so many lives in such a short time.

You touched mine and my son's from afar, and I am sure there are many others who will echo that same sentiment.

You will be so missed and loved by so many forever.