Foraging into 50 Day 3 Morning

Notwithstanding that I had a near-stroke last night and went to bed with blood pressure as high as the Empire State Building because my old sister is certifiably insane and a pathological liar, I am surprised I did not eat the contents of my fridge, and go out and buy cigarettes and smoke the whole pack.

Score one for me on handling extreme stress.

Sadly, I did not sleep very well and had the whackiest dreams. I woke up with a headache which has since dissipated an am now eating a nice healthy bowl of oatmeal (not the instant shit) - real oatmeal - with non fat milk, half a sliced and diced apple and a splash of agave nectar. I usually put brown sugar in my oatmeal but I made a simple change to the agave nectar and found it to be a much better choice because I can taste the oatmeal, I can taste the apples and it doesn't taste like I'm eating a bowl of sugar disguised as oatmeal.

The next question is whether I am going for a walk today. I do not feel like it right now. I could go rake my side yard of all the sticks and sawdust and branch pieces from the tree that was cut down last Friday. Then again I may go for a quick walk. It's sunny, blue skies. I will let you know what I decide later when I write again.

I am, however, still bothered by my sister's insanity. it's bothering me greatly. But this is not the first time she has created an over the top, extra elaborate embellished beyond all comprehension story lie that SHE believes to be true, has passed on to other people and then attempted to pass it on to me.

see me? I am pointing to myself. I did NOT fall off the turnip truck today, yesterday or any other day in my life. I am a highly intelligent, well-educated college graduate who has worked as a reporter for 30 plus years, has worked in law for the last 10 plus years and who was not born making a "statement" but instead, asking "why." And who, what, where, when how.

get the picture?

So when my sister attempts to tell me a major airline made a "mistake" in a reservation, and she then tells me she called Homeland Security as a result of that alleged "mistake," and the mistake is a mistake that ONLY my sister could have made herself because of the circumstances under which the "mistake" was made (sorry for being so cryptic), and my sister proceeds to spend one solid hour telling me that these "mistakes" are made all the time; that airline reservation websites have a direct link to each of the continental US 50 states' Dept. of Vital Records and Statistics databases (um yah, right) AND that whomever she spoke to at Homeland Security assured her that the "mistake" is made ALL THE TIME but not to worry. AND she attempted to tell me that Homeland Security out of Springfield, Mass. (I didn't even know that HS had an office in Springfield) told her back in 2009 that her passport had been sold on the black market for $10,000 and that a guy's picture was pasted into her passport with her name on it and the guy was from Romania. She took a trip somewhere in 2009 and allegedly her wallet was stolen (i'm really starting to wonder about that whole story, too) and her passport was in her wallet and then it just snowballed after that. I dunno. All my red flags were waving in my head, the bullshit radar was so off the charts and my sister got downright nasty with me when I started questioning everything she was telling me and accused me of trying to sabotage  the trip she is taking with my mom. Frankly, I don't give a hoot that she's going with my Mom - i am HAPPY she is going because she can keep an eye on my Mom and they both will fare well getting out of New England in February but if my Mom had an inkling of what my sister did, and how she has tried to cover her mistake by creating, weaving, and spinning the most elaborate lie I have EVER heard, my mother would cancel the trip just because my sister has created a situation that should have never been created.

Unfortunately, I'm not sure I trust my sister now because she had my mom's credit card number when she booked these reservations; and she's now claiming she's getting credit card offers from US Air (another lie).

So I made one phone call to the airlines because frankly, I was very concerned that my elderly mom's identity may be compromised by this alleged "mistake" and spoke to a veteran internet tech support rep who was the NICEST woman I have spoken to at a major corporation in a long, long time. She then proceeded to confirm what I already knew deep down inside: my sister lied about everything, the mistake was my sister's but in her fogged out insane state of mind, tried to cover it up by blaming the airlines when in fact it is duly noted on the reservation notes that SHE in fact called the airline, not once but TWICE and admitted her mistake but then tried to cover it all up to avoid the wrath of my mom because my sister's "mistake" has now caused my mother to have to gather up several pieces of identification that she must bring with her (my sister and my mother are taking a trip together - in the US) in order to prove who she is.

I really want to strangle my sister right now but she's across the state and I can't reach that far.

I am so disturbed by the lies she spun last night that I can't stop shaking my head and rolling my eyes. I fully expected my eyeballs to be on my pillow when I woke up.

And this all ties in to losing weight how? Stress. People under great stress will eat because it's part of the emotional eating cycle. I finished my oatmeal and am no longer hungry. I pride myself on the fact that I did NOT eat anything after that extremely near apoplexy fit I had last night; and I am pride myself that I gathered my wits this morning and ate my oatmeal while writing this blog. My hands were occupied and I focused on my writing and eating slowly. I did both.

and I spoke to my mom, but I did not mention what I had discovered. She brought up the trip and I asked her only to send me a copy of the itinerary so I have it, too, and she briefly mentioned the "mistake" issue and I just said it was "weird" and left it at that. If she knew what I knew, she'd kill my sister too.

i come from a highly dysfunctional family. My father is a wealthy, white collar criminal who has committed fraud, forgery, income tax fraud, and he, too, is a pathological liar. He was a terrible role model for his three daughters which is most likely why all three of us are divorced. He was mean spirited, verbally abusive to ALL of us - including my mother - which is why my Mom drank her way through my age 10 until I left home at 18/19 ish. Not an unusual family but MY family. Sucks to have been me.

BUT I can confidently say I am NOT crazy but I AM dirt freakn' poor (financially), hanging on by my pinky nail (but believe it or not all bills current and my phone doesn't ring too much unless it's my Mom or a work related call), and I am raising a child alone because - oh no surprise - I married someone nearly identical to my father - with all the same traits but with another secret - alcohol.

bad role models most likely mean bad relationship choices. bad relationship choices mean low self esteem, low dignity and gasp - overeating.

See how I was going to tie all this in together? I mentioned in an earlier blog that I was thin most of my life until I made one of the worst judgment calls of my life by saying "I do" in 1999 then found myself pregnant and growing fatter and fatter every day because my ex was drinking our money away and I was borrowing money from friends and when my son was born my ex went AWOL and the end came when he dropped my son on his head on New Year's night the year he was born because he was too drunk to hold him. And that was that, folks. I called the cops, they took him away, and we divorced a very short time after.

And I kept eating to tamp down the feelings of failure, the feelings of utter fear of raising a child alone (I didn't have a clue), the sadness, the anger, the bitterness, even the joy my son brought to me was layered over with all of the above.

Now 12 years later, as i approach 50, the weight issue is rearing its ugly fat ass head again. I'd rather get into a boxing ring with Mike Tyson than to have to battle my weight.

but I'm going to give it a helluva shot.

Get busy livin' or get busy dying.

From one of my all time favorite movies The Shawshank Redemption.

ciao until later ....

Justice is NOT served

I read a very disturbing story the other day about a former Alabama judge who was indicted for sexually abusing inmates in exchange for leniency of prison sentences. http://www.foxnews.com/ Herman Thomas was a well-respected judge until allegations of his bizarre sexual proclivities surfaced, allegations that included "spanking and paddling" of inmates in his offices among other things. Charges of kidnapping, sodomy, sex abuse, extortion and ethics violations brought this judge down and he now faces 20 years to life in prison for the most serious charges of kidnapping and sodomy.

Based on what I have learned, I can't help but think how many judges there may be that allow their personal feelings on varying issues (or in this case, sexual deviances) to cloud their judgment on making decisions about cases.

Let's use allegations of alcohol abuse in divorce cases as an example of why I believe judges may look the other way when this type of subject matter is brought up (or not) in court.

In 2007, my son (who was 7 at the time) came home with a nip vodka bottle in his pants pocket, given to him by my ex-husband who is an alcoholic. The bottle contained about a 1/4 inch of vodka in it. (After his colon cancer diagnosis a year ago, my ex-husband claims he no longer drinks). My son told me he never drank anything out of the bottle and I believed him but I pretty much went off the deep end when I found this in my son's pants and told my ex husband in no uncertain terms that I was going to take him to court and ask for a modification of custody. I wanted full custody and I was going to ask for supervised visitation. My ex husband retaliated by stopping his child support to me which put me into a nightmarish abyss of debt from which I have yet to recover. He also stopped his visitation. I filed contempt charges against him, garnished his paycheck and the DOR grabbed his bank account for what he owed me in arrearages.

But when I went in front of the judge for my case - she presides in Middlesex Probate & Family Court - and told my side about the vodka bottle, also told her my ex-husband had a warrant out for his arrest in Pennsylvania for a failure to appear on a drunk driving charge and other numerous occasions when my ex would show up drunk and attempt to take his son and I would not allow him to do so. I then pulled out the vodka bottle, she very nonchalantly turned to my ex-husband and stated, "If you want to have a cocktail or two when you get home from work, it's OK. Just don't drink when you have your son." And then she reminded me that no matter what, I have to adhere to the visitation schedule and that if I didn't allow my son's father to take him based on the visitation schedule, I could be held in contempt.

It was all I could do not to run up to the bench and attack her. I was shaking with fury at her blase attitude toward my little boy's safety.

When I had time to think, I realized that perhaps this particular judge had a drinking problem and hid it well. She, too, probably drives drunk with people in her car but somehow has managed to drive under the radar of police detection. Or perhaps she has been caught and it's been hushed up and smoothed over with something the color of green.

Another Massachusetts judge wasn't so lucky. Christine McEvoy, a judge in Massachusetts Superior Court http://www.tomkileylaw.com/ was pulled over last April for an OUI. She was fined $665, received a driver's license suspension for 225 days and was ordered to attend a drinking and driving education program. And this judge REFUSED to take a breathalyzer test. And in another related story, she stated she would remove herself from drunk driving cases to which she was assigned.

Oh gee, isn't that mighty noble of you.

Two cases of Massachusetts judges - one who ignored my pleas to protect my son - and another who simply ignored the laws governing drunk driving and put people in danger of her stupidity.

Both are still sitting on the bench today. How many more of these above the law judges are sitting on the benches?

Now let me change gears and bring up another situation. A good friend of mine recently went through a fairly bitter divorce. She has a retirement account, and since her separation from her now ex-husband, has been forced for financial purposes to dip into her retirement account to pay monthly living expenses for herself and her son. She is employed but her take home pay is far, far less than what she needs to survive. Her ex-husband moved out and took up residence with his girlfriend, who coincidentally, lives in a home valued at just south of a million dollars and which she owns outright and my friend's ex husband pays no rent whatsoever.

They have a 17-year old who resides with my friend at her home.

At her divorced trial, her ex-husband produced a financial statement which basically showed he did not have a "steady" provable income (he is self-employed) and therefore, the child support awarded to her was based on the flimsy figures he put down on this statement. Her ex-husband apparently was not ordered to contribute to his son's college education, either. Why? No provable income and therefore, the judge couldn't make a calculated guess on how much of a contribution the father should make and therefore allowed the father to get away with not paying anything. Nice guy, huh?

And perhaps the worse slap of all is that the judge ordered my friend to turn over 1/2 of her retirement account to her ex husband, a retirement account to which her ex-husband contributed not one penny over the 20 plus years of marriage.

I get all the "marital assets" laws and blah blah blah. But isn't this where "discretionary judgment" can come into play? Apparently not. Oh, the judge gave her the house that she cannot afford. That makes a whole lot of sense.

There is a lot more to her case than I care to write about because I'd sling some mud that may end up back on me so I am going to refrain from interjecting all of my two cents about this.

But my point is that judges have so much power but yet they choose to ignore facts placed right before their eyes. Are the attorneys to blame for not pushing the envelope close to the judge's faces that they can't ignore the obvious? Or are the attorneys' hands tied so tightly & bound together by the fact that they already know the judges just don't care so they don't even try?

Is our justice system so clogged that a little boy's life is overlooked because a judge think it's OK to have cocktails? Apparently so. Did Judge McEvoy actually think that she was above the law when she got into her car and drove drunk? Apparently so. And did the judge in my friend's divorce case overlook the fact that the financial statement produced by her ex husband was as flimsy as x-rated lingerie? Did the judge even consider for one second that perhaps my friend's ex husband was a con artist, a bullshitter of the highest degree and perhaps take into consideration that he may be hiding assets? Apparently not.

So my friend is now left with a house that she can't afford, a retirement account she has been ordered to "share" with her ex-husband and a son whose college education may be in jeopardy because a judge didn't look more closely at one of the most important documents in the divorce case.

This is why justice is not served. And if it is, it's probably served with a five or six beers, a few cocktails and some bar peanuts. And some cash to keep everyone quiet.