Notwithstanding that I had a near-stroke last night and went to bed with blood pressure as high as the Empire State Building because my old sister is certifiably insane and a pathological liar, I am surprised I did not eat the contents of my fridge, and go out and buy cigarettes and smoke the whole pack.
Score one for me on handling extreme stress.
Sadly, I did not sleep very well and had the whackiest dreams. I woke up with a headache which has since dissipated an am now eating a nice healthy bowl of oatmeal (not the instant shit) - real oatmeal - with non fat milk, half a sliced and diced apple and a splash of agave nectar. I usually put brown sugar in my oatmeal but I made a simple change to the agave nectar and found it to be a much better choice because I can taste the oatmeal, I can taste the apples and it doesn't taste like I'm eating a bowl of sugar disguised as oatmeal.
The next question is whether I am going for a walk today. I do not feel like it right now. I could go rake my side yard of all the sticks and sawdust and branch pieces from the tree that was cut down last Friday. Then again I may go for a quick walk. It's sunny, blue skies. I will let you know what I decide later when I write again.
I am, however, still bothered by my sister's insanity. it's bothering me greatly. But this is not the first time she has created an over the top, extra elaborate embellished beyond all comprehension story lie that SHE believes to be true, has passed on to other people and then attempted to pass it on to me.
see me? I am pointing to myself. I did NOT fall off the turnip truck today, yesterday or any other day in my life. I am a highly intelligent, well-educated college graduate who has worked as a reporter for 30 plus years, has worked in law for the last 10 plus years and who was not born making a "statement" but instead, asking "why." And who, what, where, when how.
get the picture?
So when my sister attempts to tell me a major airline made a "mistake" in a reservation, and she then tells me she called Homeland Security as a result of that alleged "mistake," and the mistake is a mistake that ONLY my sister could have made herself because of the circumstances under which the "mistake" was made (sorry for being so cryptic), and my sister proceeds to spend one solid hour telling me that these "mistakes" are made all the time; that airline reservation websites have a direct link to each of the continental US 50 states' Dept. of Vital Records and Statistics databases (um yah, right) AND that whomever she spoke to at Homeland Security assured her that the "mistake" is made ALL THE TIME but not to worry. AND she attempted to tell me that Homeland Security out of Springfield, Mass. (I didn't even know that HS had an office in Springfield) told her back in 2009 that her passport had been sold on the black market for $10,000 and that a guy's picture was pasted into her passport with her name on it and the guy was from Romania. She took a trip somewhere in 2009 and allegedly her wallet was stolen (i'm really starting to wonder about that whole story, too) and her passport was in her wallet and then it just snowballed after that. I dunno. All my red flags were waving in my head, the bullshit radar was so off the charts and my sister got downright nasty with me when I started questioning everything she was telling me and accused me of trying to sabotage the trip she is taking with my mom. Frankly, I don't give a hoot that she's going with my Mom - i am HAPPY she is going because she can keep an eye on my Mom and they both will fare well getting out of New England in February but if my Mom had an inkling of what my sister did, and how she has tried to cover her mistake by creating, weaving, and spinning the most elaborate lie I have EVER heard, my mother would cancel the trip just because my sister has created a situation that should have never been created.
Unfortunately, I'm not sure I trust my sister now because she had my mom's credit card number when she booked these reservations; and she's now claiming she's getting credit card offers from US Air (another lie).
So I made one phone call to the airlines because frankly, I was very concerned that my elderly mom's identity may be compromised by this alleged "mistake" and spoke to a veteran internet tech support rep who was the NICEST woman I have spoken to at a major corporation in a long, long time. She then proceeded to confirm what I already knew deep down inside: my sister lied about everything, the mistake was my sister's but in her fogged out insane state of mind, tried to cover it up by blaming the airlines when in fact it is duly noted on the reservation notes that SHE in fact called the airline, not once but TWICE and admitted her mistake but then tried to cover it all up to avoid the wrath of my mom because my sister's "mistake" has now caused my mother to have to gather up several pieces of identification that she must bring with her (my sister and my mother are taking a trip together - in the US) in order to prove who she is.
I really want to strangle my sister right now but she's across the state and I can't reach that far.
I am so disturbed by the lies she spun last night that I can't stop shaking my head and rolling my eyes. I fully expected my eyeballs to be on my pillow when I woke up.
And this all ties in to losing weight how? Stress. People under great stress will eat because it's part of the emotional eating cycle. I finished my oatmeal and am no longer hungry. I pride myself on the fact that I did NOT eat anything after that extremely near apoplexy fit I had last night; and I am pride myself that I gathered my wits this morning and ate my oatmeal while writing this blog. My hands were occupied and I focused on my writing and eating slowly. I did both.
and I spoke to my mom, but I did not mention what I had discovered. She brought up the trip and I asked her only to send me a copy of the itinerary so I have it, too, and she briefly mentioned the "mistake" issue and I just said it was "weird" and left it at that. If she knew what I knew, she'd kill my sister too.
i come from a highly dysfunctional family. My father is a wealthy, white collar criminal who has committed fraud, forgery, income tax fraud, and he, too, is a pathological liar. He was a terrible role model for his three daughters which is most likely why all three of us are divorced. He was mean spirited, verbally abusive to ALL of us - including my mother - which is why my Mom drank her way through my age 10 until I left home at 18/19 ish. Not an unusual family but MY family. Sucks to have been me.
BUT I can confidently say I am NOT crazy but I AM dirt freakn' poor (financially), hanging on by my pinky nail (but believe it or not all bills current and my phone doesn't ring too much unless it's my Mom or a work related call), and I am raising a child alone because - oh no surprise - I married someone nearly identical to my father - with all the same traits but with another secret - alcohol.
bad role models most likely mean bad relationship choices. bad relationship choices mean low self esteem, low dignity and gasp - overeating.
See how I was going to tie all this in together? I mentioned in an earlier blog that I was thin most of my life until I made one of the worst judgment calls of my life by saying "I do" in 1999 then found myself pregnant and growing fatter and fatter every day because my ex was drinking our money away and I was borrowing money from friends and when my son was born my ex went AWOL and the end came when he dropped my son on his head on New Year's night the year he was born because he was too drunk to hold him. And that was that, folks. I called the cops, they took him away, and we divorced a very short time after.
And I kept eating to tamp down the feelings of failure, the feelings of utter fear of raising a child alone (I didn't have a clue), the sadness, the anger, the bitterness, even the joy my son brought to me was layered over with all of the above.
Now 12 years later, as i approach 50, the weight issue is rearing its ugly fat ass head again. I'd rather get into a boxing ring with Mike Tyson than to have to battle my weight.
but I'm going to give it a helluva shot.
Get busy livin' or get busy dying.
From one of my all time favorite movies The Shawshank Redemption.
ciao until later ....
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