Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Foraging into 50 Day 2 Addendum

I really now understand why eating lunch is important because otherwise, you will do what I did. Forget to eat lunch, stuff a Luna bar in my mouth on the drive home from work, then "forage for food to tamp down the hunger at 3 p.m. So let's see what did I eat: hummous w/hot sauce mixed in and carrots (that's not too terribly bad at all); 2 pieces of my veggie quiche (i could have just had the one) and then the snack sized butterfingers called my name from the bag on top of the fridge. I only ate two.

And my co-worker brought in a box of DD coffee AND munchkins today. I limited myself to only 3.

Rollin' my eyes at my utter lack of discipline BUT looking at what I did eat and not feeling too guilty. Actually, I have no guilt at all. I either change my eating habits or not. simple as that. it's only day 2 and it's up to me.

movin' forward.

Afterthought: i had a flat belly in high school and throughout my 20s and early 30s. i was never overweight in my life until i got pregnant. my stomach came in the door before I did. i was horrified what physical changes pregnancy did to me. I clearly was not meant to be pregnant. it was the grossest most disgusting traumatic physical event I have ever experienced in my life. I thought I had an alien growing inside of me (although the initial ultrasound showed what appeared to be a small shark on the screen) and of course the first time my son kicked the shit out of me, all I could think of was the movie Alien with Signorey Weaver and the scene where the alien pops out of the guy's stomach right at the dinner table. that was enough to make me swear off sex for the rest of my life because I'd slit my throat and stick an icepick in my eye before I ever got pregnant again. As it was, from the time i figured out I did get pregnant which was Sept. 1999 to February 2006, I did just that - no sex. But now we circle back to the beast-like thing I became during pregnancy and the hideous deformities that suddenly appeared after I gave birth. I did have a c-section which I GLADLY would have performed on myself but I trusted my OB to do it correctly because there was no fucking way I was pushing a 9 pound 22 inch kid through a hole the size of the place where my doorkey fits into my front door. I get the stretchy pussy muscle thing. But that was just NOT going to happen. If whomever created us human beings wanted pussies to stretch into tomorrow, they would have made the vaginal area of womens' bodies out of bungie cords.

I wished I could have just skipped the physical aspect of pregnancy and just had my kid handed to me through some portal or something. he's nearly 12 now and he is the best thing that happened to me - but not to my body. Gross. I throw up in my mouth when I see pregnant women. brings out the serious ewww factor for me.

i don't know what the hell happened but my stretched out belly just never returned to its position -flat on my body. Instead, I can't quite describe what it is today. I KNOW surgery can fix this (shit for hellfire damnation if that whackadoodle Octomom can get her belly fixed enough to put on a bikini, then so can I. Except one small teensy weensy problem.

See me rubbing my thumb against my first two fingers? Yep, Money baby. lots of it. I got the weight and the Body Mass Index count but no moula.

Do plastic surgeons do pro bono work?


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