Verizon Samsung Brightside Cell Phones - Are they ALL DEFECTIVE?

to date, I still own a defective Samsung Brightside cell phone. 

to date, Verizon continues in its attempt to silence me with threats, tampering with my FIOS account, and sending ONLY ME revised terms of service. 

I will not be silenced. I am a consumer and every consumer should get what they paid for.

So this blog is for everyone who has purchased a Samsung Brightside cell phone from on or about February 2012 through today. READ THIS. TEST YOUR PHONES. 

The Calendar and Alarm features ARE EPIC FAILS! Google Samsung Brightside DO NOT BUY UNTIL THEY FIX. You can read all my posts on the Verizon Wireless forums. use the words defective, flawed, calendar problems, alarm problems - you will see how many times I've tried to get Verizon and Samsung to notice but both refuse to acknowledge a problem! I even have a written letter from a Verizon exec who VEHEMENTLY denies there is a problem with the Samsung Brightsides!!!!! REALLY? 

1. The Calendar and Alarm features are controlled by date and time, correct? So the software written for both has programming codes that "tell" the Calendar when to alert the user to a calendar event; and same for an the Alarm - you set the Alarm to go off once, daily, weekdays, weekends, or a custom alarm. But again, the Alarm is powered by date and time.

2. Look in the options under Calendar. The word "recurrence" is a misnomer because if you are creating a Calendar Event to go off just one time, you HAVE to choose "RECURRENCE" to get to any of the options. And recurrence means "something that is going happen AGAIN. So by choosing ONCE you're basically "confusing" the computer because it "sees" RECURRENCE so its expecting an event to happen AGAIN but when you choose ONCE now it has NO IDEA what to do so it just epic fails.

The programming code for recurrence is ERRONEOUS because it's written to find MORE of the same event because that's what RECURRENCE MEANS! The programming code is either erroneous in its entirety, or some part of the code is written incorrectly; or the RECURRENCE option has to be removed COMPLETELY but the programming code for recurrence is screwing up every other calendar event!

For example, if you put in an Event for today - July 7, 2011 and choose ONCE under RECURRENCE, start date as today, end date as today, start time say 5 p.m. and end time 5 p.m. and then save it; then create ANOTHER Calendar event say July 27th, and choose DAILY under RECURRENCE and then save it, when you pull up the ORIGINAL calendar even from TODAY it has the July 27th DATE ON IT !!!!!

This happens over and over and over and over no matter which options you choose, or combinations thereof.

The programming code is defective, flawed or completely and utterly erroneous OR THERE IS A BUG IN IT THAT NO ONE REMOVED WHEN THEY TESTED TO SEE IF THESE TWO FEATURES WORKED!!!!!

With all the brilliant people who write software, why can't they figure this out?

here's another thought: If you NEVER use the Calendar or set ANY events, I wonder if the Alarm will work?

Chances are it won't because again, the programming code for both features is written to use DATE and TIME as the foundation upon which events are scheduled to "go off" and ditto for alarms. the code probably has "tentacles" that reach out and control the Alarm feature which again is powered by Date and Time. 

My old Samsung Intensity II still works fine - the Calendar goes off, the Alarm goes off. Whatever software is in that phone for Calendar and Alarm should be compared to what is in the Samsung Brightside. This is not rocket science. But this is a clear cut case of a flawed cell phone and I am now absolutely undeniably convinced that ALL of the Samsung Brightsides are defective and that while the versions of software may be "different" in the "batches" of Samsung Brightsides that are manufactured and released, there remains a BUG or a broken or erroneous programming code for the Calendar and Alarm features! 

I'm not a technical wizard by any means but I have common sense and given that I have been a reporter for 30 years, I ask a lot of questions. And since March, I've asked thousands of questions and not one person has given me an answer. I think i have this figured out. I think I know what's wrong.

The problem is that neither Verizon nor Samsung will address this issue because no one has found the broken code, erroneous code, flawed code, etc. OR worse - it's a firmware issue and a recall of the Samsung Brightsides would be into the millions. 

Think about how many of these cell phones have been manufactured and sold to consumers. The monetary loss on a recall is staggering. To us, though, as consumers. Not to Verizon or Samsung. Verizon is trying its best to silence me (I have proof of same) but this is about consumers who are being sold a cell phone that, as attractive as it is because of its touch screen and the fact you do NOT have to buy a media/data package, consumers like this phone. I love my phone. I have since the day I got it. Or rather, the NEW Samsung Brightside I was given which is and continues to be defective. Same phone, same problems. 

All I ever wanted was what I paid for. that's what consumers want. Nothing more, nothing less. But when someone starts making noise about how the corporate giants won't address what could be a HUGE financial issue to them because the item in question is truly and genuinely flawed and defective and those corporate giants know how costly it will be to them to issue a recall, well, they do their best to silence the critics. 

This isn't a game. Consumers spend millions and millions of dollars on electronics, cell phones, etc. and we simply want what we paid for. No more, no less. 

No one has flat out told me whether these phones are defective, whether there is a software programming code issue - NOTHING! No one wants to accept responsibility that I may be right and I single-handedly may have uncovered a very big problem that Verizon or Samsung has yet to address or resolve! It's been FIVE MONTHS since these Samsung Brightsides have come on the market and consumers are STUCK WITH THESE PHONES WITH NO RECOURSE AT ALL! 

SAMSUNG BRIGHTSIDE CELL PHONE DEFECTIVE VERIZON DENIES ANY PROBLEM!!!

In my continuing quest for the good of the consumers who have purchased what may very well be a defective Samsung Brightside cell phone from Verizon Wireless retail stores, this is for everyone who is experiencing the epic fail of their Calendar and Alarm functions on this phone.

As you read in my first blog post, Verizon CONTINUES to deny that the Samsung Brightsides are defective. I just spoke to the owner of the alleged "fake retailer" from which I purchased my Samsung Brightside who turns out to be NOT an unauthorized Verizon Wireless retailer as stated in a letter to me by Verizon's Mr. David Hughes, the "executive correspondent" for Verizon Wireless but in fact, is a "premier" dealer (this is above authorized) of Verizon Wireless products. Mr. Hughes lied to me about that. MORE IMPORTANTLY, however, is that the owner of the store had his team check a Samsung Brightside - NEW IN THE BOX - and the team REPLICATED both the epic fail of the calendar function and the alarm function!!! 

Score one for the peon consumer.

The owner of the store is going to continue to test the Samsung Brightside - the new in the box models he has in his store. If he replicates the epic fail of the Calendar and Alarm functions in the phones he has in the store, HE IS GOING TO PULL THEM FROM HIS SHELF!!!!!!  

Finally someone is listening to me! 

The Samsung Brightside is DEFECTIVE. It could be a bad batch of defective phones and consumers who have purchased this phone but do not use the Calendar and/or Alarm features may not even know these two features DO NOT FUNCTION! It could be a FIRMWARE problem - a defective chip that no update is going to fix!

Consumers: this problem has been well documented in an internal Verizon employee problem blog but Verizon CONTINUES TO DENY THERE ARE ANY PROBLEMS!

Here is my question: Does Samsung KNOW that the Brightsides are defective? Has Samsung notified Verizon of same but Verizon will not pull these phones from their shelves because of the loss of $$$$$$$$$????????

How many consumers have purchased the Samsung Brightside and do not even KNOW that it is defective???

I will keep you posted. This is not about simply getting a working phone. This has become a principle matter to me - and for all consumers who may have unknowingly purchased a known defective phone. It has been four months now and Verizon still denies there is a problem. 

Google Samsung Brightside DO NOT BUY UNTIL THEY FIX 

Google Samsung Brightside Calendar and Alarm not working.

If you own a Samsung Brightside, check your Calendar and Alarm functions - even if you don't use them. I need to hear from as many people as possible! 

Stay tuned. 

Defective Samsung Brightside Cell Phones - Bad Batch, Corporate Ostriches and Sucker Consumers

I admit I am not a high-tech kind of girl. When it comes to my cell phone, I want something easy. I don't need a "media package" - I have computers for that. So on March 11, 2012 when I went into an alleged Verizon retail store and bought a brand spanking new phone - a Samsung Brightside - I was thrilled that it had everything I needed for a really affordable price.

Welcome to my nightmare.

As marketed and as sold to me - brand new - the phone came with two features I need in my everyday life: A Calendar and an Alarm. To make a long story short, neither have worked from the day I purchased the phone. Every now and then the alarm will go off but for a long stretch of time, it didn't. The Calendar function has NEVER worked.

Three times I went back to the alleged Verizon retail store - the first two within a week of purchase and was told "oh well, must be a glitch, it will fix itself" and "too bad, so sad you are stuck with this phone" can't give you a refund or a new phone.

So I filed a complaint with the Mass. Attorney General's Office. THAT got Verizon's attention. I received a call from a David Hughes, a suit in the Verizon corporate offices who (a) tried to tell me that there is nothing wrong with the Samsung Brightsides; (b) who told me too bad so sad you can't get a new phone; (c) wanted to send me a "certified like new USED RECONDITIONED Samsung Brightside" and good luck with that.

Deny, deny, deny.

So I went onto the Verizon Wireless website, searched Samsung Brightside problems and oh lookee what I found: many other consumers having the IDENTICAL ISSUES! So I printed all those emails, mailed to the mediator handling my case at the AG's office, and continued to solicit information from other consumers about this phone.

Then I get an email from another consumer who named a Verizon employee in Illinois who absolutely undoubtedly had knowledge that there IS and HAS been a problem with the Samsung Brightside cell phones. Hmmmmmmm. I called this Verizon employee and she confirmed that yes, there ARE problems and guess what? These very same problems are and have been documented in an "internal Verizon employee problem blog."

Gee, Mr. Verizon suit lied to me? Oh now that's a novel concept. So I called him back, left him a "terse" voice mail and then I get a letter from him which basically blah blah blahed me to death and denied, denied, denied again and again that there were problems with the Samsung Brightside.

Clearly over 100 people from whom I've received emails must be on the same hallucinogenic drug according to the Verizon suit.

NOT!

I am not some fluffernutter 20 year old. I am a 50 year old, college educated high IQ human being. I know when I am being snowed.

There IS and HAS BEEN a problem with the Samsung Brightside cell phones. Most likely a bad "batch" of cell phones was manufactured by Samsung, distributed, marketed and sold for profit by Verizon retailers (fake or authorized) and many consumers just don't know about the defect because (a) they haven't tried the Alarm function; (b) they haven't tried the Calendar function; (c) or just don't care because they don't USE the Calendar or alarm function.

The Samsung Brightside has a touch screen which is a enticing feature for the pre-teen and teen market. And it's affordable. But with the defect, no recourse for refund, and consumers being offered a used reconditioned phone as a replacement, Verizon finds it easy to simply deny that a problem exists and will not take any steps to contact Samsung to find out if there is indeed a batch problem, a firmware problem (if that's the case, good luck Chuck because the phone will NEVER work as marketed and sold to consumers) because 100 people having the same problem with the same cell phone isn't even a penny to corporate vulture Verizon.

And interestingly enough, I've made such a stink about this that my Verizon FIOS account was screwed with (undoubtedly by some Verizon exec who wants me to disappear).

My next step is to sue the retail store from which I purchased the cell phone (according to the suit's letter, it's an unauthorized dealer so once again too bad so sad for me). But yet Verizon customer service denies problems; denies anyone has called Verizon about problems with the Samsung Brightside and refuses to give me a new FULLY FUNCTIONING CELL PHONE.

I am not being unreasonable.

I just want what I paid for on March 11, 2012.
https://community.verizonwireless.com/thread/773147
Stay tuned.

Less than 24 hours till 50

I've decided that turning 50 is like a batting slump. Either you step up to the plate and swing like you're swinging at potato chips and give up in disgust and walk away; or, tweak your stance just a bit, get that elbow up,  keep the bat off your shoulder, anchor that back foot, pivot your hips, keep your head straight then swing away, you're going to hit one out of the park.

I've been in a serious slump. I can't write (except for this blog or whatever you want to call it) and I make up a thousand reasons for same. Is there really such a thing as writer's block or is it that single parents like me who spend the days, weeks, years struggling and struggling and getting absolutely nowhere and certainly not ahead and wonder why people like my ex husband are such douchebags for parents because alcohol is better lure than his own son's smile or hug. In my famous words said in my best Jim Carrey voice: Lew eww eww eww zer.

So what about me? Ha, another song comes to mind. It's isn't fair, I've had enough now I want my share can't you see? Some one hit wonder from way back when. But this is what's it's like. Yes, I understand I've made my own choices and decisions albeit some pretty stupid ones lacking common sense and foresight and all of those things that make you go hmmmmmm BEFORE you make a choice or a decision but sadly, I can't take anything back, can't change the past and I can't change anyone in my life who's done wrong by me.

But really, 50? WTF? Five decades or half a century. I know i am harping on this but I don't care because I am sure there are many other people out there who feel the same as I and ask themselves the same question:

What have I done the first 50 years of my life?

Well, let's see. I graduated from high school with serious A's, I went to play baseball with the Boston Red Sox and members of the '67 and '75 World Series teams - I got to PITCH in a real game so that was one thing I checked off my bucket list. I graduated summa cum laude from Northeastern University, and have had the same job for nearly 10 years and the BEST boss in the universe, I have an absolutely amazing kid, a roof over my head, and a Mom who keeps Hallmark in business because she picks out the best birthday cards for me each year.

But what I have contributed to saving the planet or the whales or the kakapo ? What have I done that people say hey, PAULA did that!

Zip. Zero. Nada. Zilch.

Sure, I've coached Little League and wrote hundreds and hundreds of baseball stories and news stories and all that. And I probably could probably rent a bus and run over the property manager at a certain "ghetto" in a certain town because she's just plain evil and a bully and all the nasty things that people cough up, the things that wash up on shore after a wicked bad storm, and the snot that people hack and spit onto the ground. That's Alison Morneault. She makes Freddy Kreuger look like Mr. Rogers.

But then I'd go to jail and she is so not worth even blinking an eye for. So THAT's out of the question.

But what have I done that has permanently put a stamp on something with my name on it and classified as a seriously amazing accomplishment?

Nothing. Well, so far I've done OK raising my son by myself (I think) and I know that's a HUGE accomplishment but I'm talking something bigger and deeper and soul-searching success.

Nothing.

Yet.

It's never too late to be what you might have been.

Instead of trying to figure out the most painless way I can stick an icepick in my brain and die with dignity tomorrow, I should be reciting the single most important line from the movie "Shawshank Redemption:"

Get busy living' or get busy dyin'.

. I could wake up dead tomorrow but then I'd be extra pissed.

Fuck it. Bring on 50.

Foraging into 50 - Two Days and Counting

Is turning 50 really that big a deal? It is to me. In another type of life, my friends would throw a huge surprise party for me, shower me with crazy gifts and toast to the next five decades. And in another type of life, I'd either have a husband or a secure boyfriend who would get down on his knee and open a box and ask me to ..... go with him to Opening Day at Fenway, two box seats being in the ring box in place of a ring. Hmmm. Ring or tickets to Opening Day. I am soooooooo at Fenway LOL screw the ring! Or of course there's the fantasy that this alleged secure long time boyfriend (if there was one) would somehow manage to propose to me during the seventh inning stretch.

I dream about that. I've dreamed about that happening all my life. Never even got remotely close.

It is too late? Does 50 label me done, dinosaur, or the many other adjectives that describe women of my age?

It's been decades since someone sent me a dozen flowers of any kind and it's not likely to happen on my 50th. My Mom god bless her calls me on my birthday and sings. My friends and FB friends will post the requisite Happy Birthday on my page. That's really cool seeing all those well-wishes.

But the flowers - damn. What can I see? I'm hopeless. I could send them to myself but that is just so far to the left of lame - nah, I'd never do that. I'm lame but not desperate LOL!

Just for the record, the down on one knee with tickets to opening day in a ring box was my dream long before Fever Pitch ever hit the screen.

You know what I did today? I took my son to the batting cage. And for one hour, every single problem disappeared. I was feeding the balls into the batting machine and talking to my son about his stance, about his feet, his elbow, his head, his hips (swing away) and the world was just right for one hour.  I was in my comfort zone - I was enveloped in the one passion that always calms me down - baseball.

I should have married a ballplayer. Like Carlton Fisk. Or Bill Campbell LOL Yah, right as if they would have given me a second glance. I keep thinking about Dierdre Pujols. I keep wondering how she got so lucky.

I am so rambling tonight. Ate Mac & Cheese, a burger a pickle and a big glass of milk. Screw it. It's a crappy January night and I'm not making cake until Thursday.

That's another thing about being single and turning 50 and being me.

I have to make my own cake. My son picked it out - he had that look on his face like "I know Mom I know someone isn't going to do this for you so you have to do it yourself so I can eat it, too" - you know that look.

but the flowers, or lack thereof, may just crumble me. Who doesn't want to get flowers at their office or their home or on their front porch with a sappy card? I am the QUEEN of sap and I only know one guy in my entire life was just like me. Never met anyone after him (from 30 plus years ago) who matched me sap for sap.

Maybe I need a jake (firefighter) to rescue me. Maybe I need Steve Perry to sing to me on my 50th (Don't Stop Believing). Maybe I need Stephen King to tell me I won't end up in Salem's Lot.

Maybe Carlton Fisk will show up at my door and eat cake with me.

Maybe I'll wake up and feel absolutely the same as I do right now as 49 years winds to a close.

Five freakn' decades. Half a century.

Cougar my ass.

Where's my walker?

I'm such a dreamer.

Foraging into 50 Day 6 and Day 7

Clearly trying to establish good eating habits and attempt a minor weight loss while under duress, stress and worry are just not daunting tasks but completely and utterly epic fails because the stress and the worry force me to seek solace in food to chase away the stress and the duress and the worry if only for a few hours. But I'm not going on food binges and eating for the cycle LOL - I seem to be eating two meals a day these days but  not concentrating on eating healthy.

This is so hard. I really hate waking up with Mt. Everest around my neck. It's getting exhausting and too painful to stay upright with that kind of weight around me.

My best friend tells me I should finish my novel. That's my ticket out of poverty. I know several other writers who are single Moms who did exactly that. JK Rowling comes to mind. How did she do it? How did she manage to balance single parenting and writing or rather, find the time just to write??? I find 20,000 excuses not to write - mostly it's fear and fear is a HUGE block. I don't have writer's block because I can certainly verbalize what I want to write and I seem to be keeping up this blog for what purpose I have which deemed. A valiant effort on my part simply to shed the worry and stress for just a bit to words on a screen instead of having it inside of me like a million writhing snakes. And that is EXACTLY what worry and stress feel like.

I called my Mom today. Sometimes I'm not sure if she knows who I am some days. I think she does but then there's something missing in hs. er voice. I can't imagine losing my Mom. I can't imagine not being able to call her every day. Most of all I can't imagine my son suffering that kind of loss. He'a already suffered so much in his young life.

And I'm terrified that something is awfullly wrong with me and without health insurance, I can't find out. I am in pain all the time. I get these mystery pains in the back of my head. I don't sleep. My memory is questionable. I had 3 blood clots in August 2010. I am always cold.

Frankly between you me and the bulletin board, I completely understand why people throw themselves off buildings and in front of trains and buses. I think about it, but I can't picture it because my son's face is always there so that the thoughts run up against a brick wall.

Someone I loved -- really genuinely loved - 30 plus years ago -- killed himself in March, 2011. The thing is I can't remember ever telling him how much I loved him back then. And when I found out he had committed suicide, I was devastated not only by his death, but by the fact I never got to tell him that I really loved him.

My son knows how much I love him. I tell him every day. But I know what his life would be like if anything happened to me. He wouldn't want to live because he'd have to go live with his father. And I know my son would rather die than do that. And I can't ever let that happen.

Maybe I'm just imagining things. Maybe I'm just so damned scared of turning 50 and having only one accomplishment in my life and knowing I should have so many others and providing for my son in the manner I should. I'm scared I'm going to lose my Mom, I'm pissed that my older sister fucked up her health and her entire life with drugs, I can't understand how people can just walk away from their kids without a second thought or a second glance, and I can't understand praying for things that just don't happen.

I am at a loss today. I live on a rollercoaster these days. Last night I had my friends from high school here and we were whooping it up celebrating the New England Patriots victory over the Denver Broncos and Tim Tebow.

Today I had to get out my house with my son, we went to breakfast, we picked up his friend and went walking and hiking in 8 degree weather. I took great pictures and I was neutral happy.

I can't seem to hold on to that feeling, though. It just swirls down and gets sucked back into that vortex of worry and stress that become my life.

"Tebowing" didn't work for Tim Tebow and it certainly hasn't worked for me.

Saving grace: American Idol starts on the 18th and spring training is not too far off.

I think about my son's smile and his hugs and how he tells me he loves me for no apparent reason.

These things keep me grounded while the buses and trains just pass by me.

Foraging into 50 Day 5

I have to stop NOT eating breakfast! Lunch was the same as yesterday - bagel cream cheese and smoked salmon (I think I was Jewish in another life).

My work computer has a virus and let's just add that to all the other stress. I am not going to bore anyone with my problems but frankly, if you don't want to read about them, click off the page.

See here's the situation: My ex owes me just of $5,000 for divorce related stipulations. Never going to see it. But as a result of his failure to uphold the near 12 year divorce stipulations, my entire income tax return EVERY YEAR pays for my son's 10 weeks of summer camp which I have fill because I have to work. No choices there. So here's my dilemma: I am in over my head financially but on the flip side, all my bills are current, my phone never rings from debt collectors because no matter what, I pay my bills. I need about $20,000 grand and half of that would pay off the debt. Yes, I know many people would KILL to have only 10,000 in credit card debt but to me, it's like sleeping with Mt. Everest every night and walking with it hanging around me neck during the day - it's always there and it's huge and there's no room for anything else and I am nearly bent over broken from the weight of the debt.

So my town's summer camp signup is on Feb. 16th ish. I do not have the funds to sign my son up for six of the ten weeks I need because I won't have my tax return in time. I CAN get on the waiting list but it's not a given he'll get in. But even then - once again I use my entire tax return to fund his summer camp (my ex is supposed to be paying half but he's been AWOL for more than a year coz he's just a complete and utter dick) and my Mom is showing early signs of dementia (she's nearly 81) so I can't ask her and I shouldn't have to because I should be taking care of myself and my son but after being so long in this awful cycle of financial poverty it just seems like there is just no light at the end of the tunnel.

So 20 grand is my contingency plan because believe it not, that would last me a long, long time. i've become so accustomed to scrimping and I could probably stretch what is left over after paying the debt off for two years! If my ex croaks (not that I wish it on him as much as I despise him), I get half of the life insurance policy because he remarried and named her as a second beneficiary. I'm sorry if this sounds cold but my son  was here first, she was an illegal alien when she married my ex and she could give a shit about me or my son (not that I expect her to care about me but she thinks my son is a financial burden to her own life. I have a word for her but I won't write it on here coz I do possess class. but it doesn't mean that I can't think it out loud.

So dominoes are stacked and are getting ready to fall because since I don't have the $$ for my son's summer camp, and I don't know anyone rich from whom I could borrow the 20 gs (a no interest loan, payable upon my inheritance but with a good faith payment each month - that's all I can do truthfully and I know it seems so impossibly naive for me to think that someone would help but shit, you know what? I don't care anymore. All I care about is taking care of my son. So if no summer camp, then I have to resign from my job in June, collect unemployment and stay home with my son all summer. While the "idea" is actually appealing, it's not reality because I live paycheck to paycheck and hold my breath every time I check my bank account into which my child support is deposited. i don't trust my ex. But I remind myself that he chose to take himself out of his son's life. I've been in this mother thing since the day i found out I was pregnant. In 150 percent.

But I just keep asking myself is this all there is? Those knights in shining armor? I'm not sure they exist. I remember reading a story a long time ago about a single mom with a child - her name is Diedre and I know her daughter has special needs) who met Albert Pujols (the major league baseball star) and she was struggling and living in the same kind of financial poverty and she ended up marrying him. But she was young and beautiful and I'm old and somewhat attractive I guess I don't know but do you think something like that could happen to me? Nope. I dream of meeting someone with money but more importantly - someone I really like, that my son likes, who would like BOTH of us and perhaps fall in love with BOTH of us and vice versa and basically tell me I would never have to worry about paying for my son's summer camp expenses again.

but who am I kidding? ME LOL!!!! The one time in my life I was lucky was when my son was born. I read stories about bank robbers who have won the lottery and then I read stories about people who have won the lottery and have gone bankrupt! That's insane beyond all comprehension.

I can't help think of that song from the 70s I think called "What About Me?" It was a one hit wonder. But I ask that question over and over.

And let's add worrying about my Mom to all the stress because I'm going to be the one who will have to make the decision about her well-being when that day comes. And I'm so worried and consumed with fear that it's going to come sooner than I want it to. what am I going to do? I want her as close to me as possible - preferably in the same town or the next town over so I can see her every day. I HATE that she lives in another state and I blame my asshole father for that because he moved my mother there and she didn't want to go. My family is so splintered that I'm the only one who will be there to take care of my Mom because my older sister is a liar and crazy, my brother lives in Florida and I only speak to him once a year and my other sister lives in Australia and I swear to God I am repeating myself (no, I KNOW I am) and my father doesn't even count or figure into my Mom's future because they're divorced and he's a prick of the highest degree.

So here I am wondering how all this is going to play out and wishing I could get lucky like that woman who met and married Albert Pujols. She never has to worry about money again. What sucks is that I am not in a public type job so I never get to meet anyone at my job. My son is with me all the time so I don't go out much because I can barely afford my living expenses nevermind a babysitter.

Not too many options for me.

I'm blah blah blahing right now. When I got home, I ate a tomato salad with a piece of bread but then got into the pretzels and nutella (which god bless america are really good together - sweet and salty. And i had a glass of milk so of COURSE that justifies the pretzels and nutella. But that's been it. I ate until i wasn't hungry anymore which wasn't alot. And right now i have no desire to eat anything else.

I want a cigarette in the worst way. But I won't do it.

I just need that 20 grand. And someone to fill in the big gaping hole in my son's life and in mine. I wish I could contact that woman and ask her how she managed to snag someone like Pujols. How did she get that lucky? yes, I know all the pitfalls of marrying a ballplayer or a professional athlete - duh, do you think I fell off the turnip truck this morning? But in the big picture for me, she doesn't have to worry about money for her kids every again. And that's what I so desperately crave is just to be able to have enough money so I can take care of my son. I'm not willing to settle for some 80 year old rich guy (yuck) because I am human and I crave human contact. Women who marry those kinds of guys ARE golddiggers. I am so not that.

I just want to wake up every morning and not have Mt. Everest around my neck anymore and never have to worry about how I am going to take care of my son.

Movin' forward.