Today's Weather Report

Enough already. I've come to understand that there is a black cloud hanging over my head sometimes but this is ridiculous. I count back to my son's birthday - June 3rd - as when this all began - Jake fell on his head that morning and now I am convinced that the black cloud formed that very minute. So let's do the calculation: 35 days since June 3rd and how many nice days have we had here in Massachusetts since then? I think I can count those days on one hand. So let's try to figure out specifically what things the rain is good for: Ducks. Ducks don't mind the rain (well, I can't say for sure because I've never asked a duck that very question) but let's assume they don't care one way or the other. They swim in water, they dive under the water and they can hide their heads in their feathers to avoid the really big raindrops. We humans use umbrellas that have metal tips and therefore attract lightning, hence the term "sitting (or walking) ducks." I wonder if ducks realize the connotation to that term. ... Robins: this is the kind of weather where robins think they are at one of those all-u-can-eat buffets (not Chinese, though). Worms abound. Breakfast, lunch and dinner every day, all day, 24/7 (yuck). Do robins ever get sick of eating the same thing over and over? I know I would. Lucky for the robins that hang around my apartment that they get (a) crust from cinnamon raisin bread; (c) bagels; (d) stale 40 calorie-a-slice light wheat bread and (c) toasted english muffin with peanut butter leftover pieces that my son did not eat. A veritable gourmet as a compliment to the raw worm bar. What else? Grass. Where I live - we now have the greenest grass this side of the Mississippi. It is emerald green. Not to mention that the property management company spends more money on the landscaping budget for this complex than it does fixing all the building code violations in this place (uh, did I just write that? I feel a lease violation coming on). Cars: If nothing else, this rain has kept cars relatively clean (mine for one). And this rain also cuts down on the need to scrub vigorously when washing away the dirt and the bird crap. A hard rain will most likely take care of that. What else? Driveways. Rain washes away the built up leaf/dirt/debris that accumulates on driveways. But of course, it washes all the debris down the driveway and just sits there making a big muddy leaf stick debris mess that we end up tracking back UP the driveway and into the house because it's all stuck to the bottoms of our shoes which will then cause mothers and fathers to scream at their children for tracking that stuff into homes with white floors and white rugs (people who have kids should be fined and/or jailed for the utter stupidity of having kids AND white floors/rugs) and then the children scream back that if the driveways were cleaned they wouldn't be tracking this stuff in in the first place and then the parents scream at each other about whose job it is to clean the bottom of the driveway and then everyone looks skyward and screams at Mother Nature and God for all the rain. It is a vicious circle, end of story. So the bottom line is - there is no bottom line. The rain will fall until it's damn well done falling so shut up and stop complaining. You could live in the Sahara desert and have scorpions taking up residence in your last year's Prada shoes. My advice? Get a really nice umbrella and a pair of rainboots and take it like a duck!