I know I blogged about this man recently but something caught my eye in a recent story I read. Ted Williams, the homeless man who has turned into an overnight sensation because of his "golden voice" (the ultimate radio voice), stated that he had always hoped something would happen that would make his now 92 year old mother proud of him again. Williams' descent into drugs and alcohol destroyed his life and he has been living on the streets in Ohio for nearly a decade.
But what exactly makes a parent proud of their children? Or more important, why is it so important for children (or adults in this case) to do something that will evoke pride from their mother or father or both?
I have always wrestled with this because the one question I would ask anyone is "are you doing something to make YOURSELF proud or doing something to make someone else proud?"
I think it should always be the former because if you feel that pride inside of your soul - whatever it is you do - then everything else is just a bonus. It shouldn't matter - really - what other people think of you as long as you have the self confidence and self esteem to believe that what you do, what you are doing or what you have done is prideful enough to sustain your own conscious. After all, you are the one who has to live with your decisions and results.
I have learned recently that no matter what a child does sometimes, it may never evoke pride from a parent. But that is NOT the child's fault. Parents are wired a certain way and sometimes that wiring is passed down to their child or children but I am a firm believer that we make our own destinies and we live with the rewards and successes or suffer the consequences of our actions. You can be as successful as they come, but sometimes it's just never enough for your parents.
Why? Because parents look at the success of their children and muse about their own failures and attempt to burden their children with that guilt of those failures. Trust me - I am living proof.
But Ted Williams admitted that drugs and alcohol took him down and destroyed is life. Some parents, like my own, will never admit their own follies and mistakes because it would be they may have failed in their role as a parent because all four of their children are as distant as Pluto from one another and there is no sibling love in our family and therefore, none of us give a hoot about making anyone proud - certainly not our parents. My father embraced his role as a vice president of a major company with more than just gusto and determination - there was greed and power laced into his drive for success and during that drive, he left his family behind to flounder. My mother was from a alcoholic family and i don't remember a day when she didn't have a glass of wine in her hand. But as a kid, I thought that was all normal. And certainly, getting straight A's in school, staying out of trouble didn't evoke any pride from my parents because both were too immersed in their miseries - or successes - to realize that their own kids were waiting for them to say "hey, wow, great job, i am so proud of you." I don't recall my parents ever saying that to me.
And now as an adult, I look at my son and know that I didn't turn out to be wired any way except the way I am wired for me. My son brings home an A - I slobber all over him. He brings home a B, I slobber all over him. I tell him every single day how much I love him, and how proud I am of him. When my son struggles with a homework assignment, particularly a writing assignment, I tell him, "Do your best - whatever your best may be."
And whatever the outcome, I know I'll still be proud of him.
I've made it through nearly 49 years floundering in the waters of life without drowning and in the past few weeks, I seem to be making it back to shore, getting my feet back on solid ground. I didn't descend into drugs or alcohol in my life but sometimes the haunting memories of a life that was not filled with pride and words from parents that would have meant everything - maybe - still try to grab hold of me and shake me up.
But then I just turn and push those memories down into the water and drown them and keep my eye on the shore.
I hope Ted Williams does the exact same thing. Keep walking in a straight line and keep your eye on the shore. It's solid ground and you are the only one who should matter now. If you succeed and become successful and defeat the demons that have gripped you for so long, then you have won both the battle and the war.
And that's is your own pride that you will create. And that is what will count the most.
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