My brother bullied me when I was a kid. But now as an adult, I know it was just his way of establishing the sibling hierarchy - he was older AND of course, he was the boy so it was inherently normal for him to annoy the hell out of me and push me around a time or two. The bullying wasn't enough to bring me to tears or turn me into a serial killer but simply his way of keeping me in my place (wherever that was!). I remember when we were kids my mother would dress us in enough layers in winter to melt the polar ice caps and my brother would push me over in the snow and I could not get up. I was a turtle on its back and my brother would laugh at me and leave me there to figure out a walk to get back onto my two feet (hmmm. maybe I should have directed my anger at my mother and not my brother???)
I think sibling bullying is inherent - it is something that has been around for thousands of years - it's just the term "bullying" wasn't around when the cavemen brothers (and sisters) were beating each other up for no other reason other than they did. Most likely, back then, it was over a lost of stolen club or tool, or perhaps simply to garner the attention of parents - or garner the attention of a special boy or girl.
More often than not, brothers and sisters who annoy and bully their siblings are just being brothers and sisters and there is nothing vicious or cruel about their behavior. The younger sibling - usually the recipient of the torment - takes it to heart and feels his or her older sibling is nothing short of a monster that needs to be vaporized right then and there. In some instances, fists and feet will fly and patches of hair torn out of heads and parents have to listen to both sides of their children's argument to avoid the appearance of favoritism. An hour later, peace is usually restored.
So at what point does bullying escalate into the kind of vicious and horrendous daily torment that caused 15-year old Phoebe Prince to hang herself after months of bullying by high school classmates, or Rutgers' student Tyler Clementi to kill himself because his college roommates thought it would be "fun" to post a video online of Tyler having sex with someone of the same gender?
Schools have instituted policies to prevent bullying. States have passed anti-bullying laws to punish those who push others to the brink - and beyond. "Cyberbullying" is now a crime punishable by possible jail time. But are these laws harsh enough?
Not to the hard-core bullies. Those "policies" and "laws" are just words on paper. And their victims would rather suffer in silence - or in death - than stand up and tell the world how his or her own world is being destroyed by one tormentor.
Humans are wired to fight and protect themselves and their offspring, their land, their possessions. These are survival mechanisms that kick in instinctively when we are threatened. We protect ourselves - or attempt to - against those whose intentions are to inflict hurt and pain upon us in the form of words - written or verbal. With the technological advancements available, "cyberbullying" is a very real, tangible, living, breathing monster with tentacles that can reach all the way around the world and cause someone insurmountable pain.
Weapons in the form of words. I've written about this before.
But don't you wonder what prevents people like myself - and my brother who was simply a "brother bully" to me and has since grown and raised a family as I have done -- from crossing that line and becoming someone like one of those nine teenagers who bullied Phoebe Prince to her suicide or someone like one of those three Rutgers' students who bullied Tyler Clementi to take his life, too?
What set my brother and I apart from those genuine monsters? And each and every bully who caused someone's death?
There is not - and most likely never will be - a clear cut answer.
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