Bullying - Is this ever going to end?

Recently, I posted a blog about bullying, particularly in response to the suicide of Phoebe Prince, a South Hadley HS teen who hanged herself to escape the relentless torment of the "mean girls" who bullied her all because she was (a) new to the school; (b) a freshman who dated a senior; and a host of other reasons. My blog was centered on how "words" were used as "weapons" by the "mean girls" and how Phoebe was tired of walking around with holes in her soul, her life blood ebbing away - mostly likely caused by the caches of weapons these girls used on Phoebe day in and day out. Weapons in the form of words.

An article dated January 24, 2010 on boston.com entitled "The Untouchable Mean Girls" documented the details that led up to Phoebe's death, and how the "mean girls" actually believed they were not responsible for Phoebe's death. According to the article, one South Hadley teen who was interviewed was physically slammed into a locker by one of these "mean girls" because she "talked."

But perhaps the worst torment, the extra twist of the knife came AFTER Phoebe's death - these very same "mean girls" still continued to slam Phoebe Prince and mocked her, still referred to her as a "slut" on social networking sites - AFTER SHE WAS DEAD. Weapons in the form of words. A memorial page was created on Facebook in memory of Phoebe and these horrible excuses for human beings - these "mean girls" attacked Phoebe on this memorial page. Weapons in the form of words.

On Wednesday, I received an email from a mother who responded to my recent blog. She questioned my use of adjectives (words) of these "mean girls" -- and all bullies for that matter - I referred to these "mean girls" as devoid of emotion, soulless and pond scum. Aren't they? These girls were responsible for Phoebe Prince's suicide. The mother wrote to me " when you call these bullies horrible soulless shallow devoid of emotion pond scum" she asked me if I wasn't using my words as weapons. She asked me if my use of these adjectives was okay because the bullies are "guilty" and Phoebe Prince is "innocent." And she put guilty and innocent in quotes, leading me to believe that she was inferring that perhaps Phoebe Prince wasn't so innocent. I find that extremely difficult to believe because Phoebe Prince is dead and the "mean girls" were expelled from school and probably have moved on to another target.

Whatever her inference was, I stand by what I wrote about these "mean girls" and ALL mean girls who bully and torment others for reasons that are just unfathomable.

My weaponry of words in my last blog didn't cause Phoebe Prince's suicide and my weaponry of adjectives accurately describes these "mean girls" who drove a teenager to her death because they lacked a soul, they lacked depth and they lacked emotion. And of course pond scum is as low as you can go - didn't these mean girls go as low as they can do with their relentless torment of Phoebe Prince? Is is possible that IF those very same mean girls possessed the ordinary, good, decent traits of human beings that Phoebe Prince may still be alive?

And my "weaponry" of words certainly isn't going to be read by these means girls and even if they did read my post, they certainly are not going to care. Because to this day, these girls remain "defiant" and "unscathed." They do not care they drove a young girl to her death. And these very same mean girls are going to continue to purport their viciousness, meanness and soullessness upon anyone who crosses them.

And guess what? The parents of those mean girls? They could care less, too. I'm sure they're thinking "oh, MY daughter wouldn't do something like that." Well, your daughters DID do something like that and they have no remorse whatsoever as evident by their actions and weaponry of words used AFTER Phoebe's death.

And to the mother who responded to my use of adjectives that, in my opinion and the opinions of many others, accurately describes these "mean girls" -- just where do you think those girls learned how to use their cache of word weapons to drive a young girl to death?

Their parents.

Our children model our own behavior, speak our own words, mirror our actions, our anything. Whether our children turn what they learn from positive to negative is beyond our control.

But teaching our children that words ARE used as weapons if used improperly - it has to start with us. With the continuing advancement of technology that gives these bullies more and more opportunity to hone their vocabularly and the ability to use their "weapons in the form of words" and the very fact that they instill fear into those who cross them, it is up to the parents to take them down and take away their caches. It has to start with the parents.

And until the "mean girls" and all the bullies are held accountable for their actions by the very people who gave them life on this Earth, and by the school officials who dance circles around their own anti-bullying creeds which are mere words typed onto pieces of paper that lack barracuda teeth, kids like Phoebe Prince are going to continue to be tormented and bullied for no reason other than they take up space in the halls where the "mean girls" walk and consider their domain - and end up taking their own lives because in their devastated minds, death is far better than being destroyed by weapons in the form of words.

Cyberbullying - A Crime without Weapons - Or Is It?

One of my favorite bands is a group named Fallout Boy. There is a song called "This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race" and one line in that song hit home with me when I read about the latest teen who died tragically by taking her own life because she had been bullied:

"I am an arms dealer, fitting you with weapons in the form of words ..."

That one line is so eerily and horribly descriptive of how cyberbullying - in its worst form - can change lives forever.

South Hadley teen Phoebe Prince was tired of being the bull eyes target of those weapons being hefted and used by her tormentors. Perhaps her soul was so shot through full of holes she could not stand to watch pieces of her fall off onto the floor anymore, her life blood ebb away each day so distraught and devastated she was by the cruelty she had sustained - mostly in the form of words.

Bullying is and will continue to be part of the evolution of mankind. It does not sector itself just to teens but to all walks of life. I am bullied because of where I live, I am taunted because I live in "low income housing" yet I graduated at the top of my class in high school, I hold a bachelor's degree in criminal justice from Northeastern University, graduating summa cum laud with a 3.89 GPA. But still, because of where I live, and have resided for the past seven years with my son, I am shunned, made fun of and shut out of the community in many ways. Isn't that form of bullying? It certainly is. And once again, my tormentors use cleverly disguised words and phrases, but in the end, the result is the same: unbearable pain and sorrow - all because of where I live. But I am a strong person and although there are times when I hit rock bottom and ask myself is it all worthwhile, I only have to look at my son to answer that question. But I wonder if he will become the victim of bullying as he grows older - just because of where he lives.

But what made Phoebe Prince take her own life? She was a beautiful girl, apparently well-liked, she came from Ireland and she probably possessed a beautiful Irish brogue. Why did her tormentors target her? Was it a pair of shoes that caused her tormentors to envy and attack her? A new purse? A new hairstyle? One wrong look at a teenage guy in the hallway?

We still don't know - or the general population doesn't know because no details were released. The only genuine facts are that Phoebe Prince is dead and her tormentors will not be returning to South Hadley High School.

Why can't we know their names? Why can't these horrible teens be exposed for the soul-less, shallow and devoid of emotional humans that they must be to have so cruelly vented their hatred, anger and meanness on Phoebe that she hung herself to escape their weapons?

These pond scum teens used words as their weapons: words written in text messages, words written on social networking sites like Facebook and My Space, and words used in person - directed at Phoebe Prince.

Words as weapons. This is NOT a new concept. There was a time when there was not an internet to pass these weapons from person to person, no cell phones on which to text message, no social networking sites on which to post sentences and paragraphs that were to be used as weapons of destruction. What teens had - and others - were lined pieces of paper with those same cruel words scribbled on them and passed from student to student, weapons in the form of words scribbled on bathroom walls, lockers and cars.

Bullying itself has evolved as humankind has evolved, as technology has evolved. Why haven't the schools protected its students who are the targets of now far more sophisticated weapons? Where does the protection start? I still believe it begins with the parents. I get that teens clam up and refuse to disclose the perps of the bullying for fear of it becoming worse. But frankly, I'd rather get involved and have an angry teen son than a dead teen son because I didn't interfere and find out what the hell was going on in his life that was causing my son such anguish.

Here in Massachusetts, anti-bullying legislature is awaiting Senate review.

And once again - this very legislature is nothing but a bunch of words and sentences strung together to create laws to prevent bullying. Punish the tormentors and bullies? Sure. Go ahead.

But it's not going to stop them because they know the true power of "weapons in the form of words" and these bullies - whether pre-teens, teens or adults - they will always have access to these weapons and that gives them unimaginable power that unfortunately, isn't something that being expelled from school or jail time is going to curb.

Words themselves are not heartless or cruel or without reason. They only become that way when they are used by humans which means that bullying - in all forms - is not going to end until humankind does.

"I am an arms dealer fitting you with weapons in the form of words ..."